Tuesday, April 19, 2011

OKAY............so

I've been a rotten blogger, really and truly crappy.
It's not that I haven't thought about blogging, in fact I usually think about it several times a day but, obviously for over a month thinking has not meant doing!
For months now, I have felt my life becoming increasingly ...
 
getty images
 
cluttered.  

This feeling has led to further feelings of lack of motivation, inertia and being overwhelmed.  I've missed blogging, but I have also purposely stayed away.

In speaking with several other blogger friends, I realize that what I'm feeling is not unique so I decided today to ....
let down my hair.

I know that I am suffering from depression, part of it caused by not fully acknowledging my Dad's passing which unfortunately happened right when Nicole was dealing with her melanoma diagnosis.  Nicole has had several scares since, but is doing fine.  
Since late last year I have gained a large amount of weight which has added to my feeling of gloom and doom.  In February when I finally decided to do something about it, I tore a ligament in my knee.  It has been a slow recovery, and exercise has been nil (no exercise, makes for little energy).

I could list a bunch of reasons for my current feelings, but the last thing I want to do is come across as Sappy Sad-sack  Sue.  Deep down, that is NOT me.  That is not my 'normal' day-to-day existence, so while I realize it will be an ...

Arthur Tress
 
uphill battle....

I am starting to work on some things that I know I can control and that are positive.

So, this is my update for today.  I do love blogging and love all the friends I have made here in blogland and I vow to not be gone for over a month again.

♥ 

19 comments:

Pearl said...

Never apologize for depression I think we all go through it. This actually helps me Wish I could hug you my friend but how about a cyber hug instead :) Fill your house with flowers and start a journal perhaps to see if it helps. Take care my friend. Pearl

Healing Woman said...

Sue,
Whenever I feel even a tad of depression coming on, I analyze what the cause might be. 99% of the time it is because my house is cluttered, my studio is cluttered and therefore, my mind becomes cluttered. Once I clean, everything else falls in place. Being an artist is rough isn't it?

yoborobo said...

Aw, Sue, I am sorry you've been depressed. I've had a weirdly rough year, too (and it's only APRIL!!!), and gained weight, and felt blue.
I wish I was closer, I would come over and we could hobble around the block together - haha! I hope you feel much better soon. Life can just be too much sometimes, and worrying about a kid, well, it takes it right out of you. Love and hugs to you! xoxo Pam

Ingrid Mida said...

Dear Sue,
Recovering from grief is a long and arduous process and you had the worries over your daughter to deal with on top of it. Be gentle with yourself my friend.
Thanks for being so brave to admit the truth. I faced such demons before too and you can lean on me anytime. May sunny days come your way soon.

BumbleVee said...

Aww...... sending hugs your way Sue. It took me months after my Mom passed away just to not cry when I talked about her to anybody. Probably a full year or more til a tear did not well in my eye when remembering ... and I can't even imagine how it feels to worry about Nicole....

I hope you feel up to playing a bit with some clay or cloth soon.... it's so tough just to put one foot in front of the other some days.....

hang in there blog buddy...

hugs, Vee
xxx

TinaE said...

Sending you lots of love Sue. Being bi-polar I'm no stranger to depression. I've also lost both my father and step father, so I know a bit what you're feeling though I know we all experience things differently. I hope you begin to see some relief and room to breathe.

An Unusual Girl Named Christine said...

Sue- For someone who has been through two major trauma's this year- you are awfully hard on yourself! I think you must have been tremendously strong for your daughter and family. It makes total sense that when you finally exhaled you experienced a culmination of bottled up feelings. I think cleaning out the clutter a little at a time- as you feel like it will be very healing. I keep a lot of clutter around me mentally and physically. It gets to a point where I can't move forward untill I do some housekeeping.:)

Moriah Betterly said...

Sending you lots of love, Sue. I gained a truck load of weight when I quit smoking and I just can't seem to get motivated to do anything about it. I too wish you lived closer so we could fight it together. Hang in there.

Vicki aka Jake said...

Deep breath,

Long sigh,

Peaceful smile...

knowing life will take care of itself,

you are loved,

and we are here.

xox

Zan Asha said...

I agree with everyone here. You cannot beat yourself up--so much has happened and I think I would have lost my mind months ago! You have to forgive yourself, and really take time to care for yourself.

We are all here for you Sue, and so I would think blogging WOULD and should be last on your list! We love you, Sue!

Rita said...

Oh Sue, You have been through so much darl! Its no wonder you are down.
Nothing lasts forever,and neither will your depression.
I suffered postnatal depression many years ago. I know how terrible that black hole is.
I think I would rather fight Cancer again than go there again.
Take a long look at some Daffodils,I know it sounds crazy, but they are known to help for some strange reason. I know they put me on the road to recovery.
My love and prayers are with you and your family darl.
Oh and I just love the name you suggested for my fairy. ("Persimmon Sky") and that is her name now. God bless. Rita

Diane MacNaughtan * Dianie Mac * said...

Sue,
You have had a year full of emotional challenges. You are an amazingly wonderful person!
We all need a break from time to time, and it is so important to take time for yourself to heal :)
I am always on the battle to loose weight. Since I retired and became a full time artist, I have sat on my butt, which has resulted in weight gain and the feeling of sluggishness. I am on a mission to change it ;)

Hugs to you :)

~Diane

Nun of a Kind! said...

Sue, this long drawn-out winter and dreary weather has not helped anyone's moods! You have had to deal with a lot in the last little while...it is natural that you would feel "zapped". Just knowing that so many people are "pulling" for you might be good "medicine". Keep on "keepin' on"...
Hugs!

michelleK said...

I am so sad that you are feeling down Sue.Your always so sweet to us here in blog land. Sending you a big hug and a happy bunch of sunflowers from Australia. Just doing a wee little bit a day makes those pesky little sad feelings go away.

Wishing you the best and brightest blessings
Michelle

Pattee said...

Aw Sue I understand depression all too well and I'm glad that you can see it and say it! I too am cluttered in my life and maybe that's why I want to travel... get away from it all...

I'm sorry for you loss's and you are always in my heart...
XXX Pattee

JUNE said...

I've been away so I just read your message and everyone has said everything you need to hear.
So I will add...you are not alone.
And apparently you have many friends surrounding you with love and appreciation for who you are...live in that light for a while and see where it leads you.
My Best thoughts are with you, xx june

Lisa Oceandreamer Swifka said...

Sometimes saying what you feel out loud can be cathartic. I know all these feelings you are having...the only thing I can say is TIME. It takes time to sort it all out, to find the new normal and to put yourself back on the list. In the meantime know you are thought of and wrapped in soft hugs.XO

Angela Recada said...

I'm so sorry you've been feeling sad, dear Sue. I am not brave enough to write honestly about such things on my blog - I admire you, I really really do. And I can relate so well to the feeling of the blues, the weight gain, the lack of enthusiasm for blogging. All of it.

Wishing you a lovely Spring and a beautiful Mothers Day this Sunday. Is it Mothers Day on Sunday in Canada, too. I forget. . .

Love and hugs,
xoxoxo
Angela

Sujay said...

Well done carry on.